oooo. Um. What does that mean?

In other news, I have another blog, for another purpose. Find the link over there on the side bar…my Altered Ego.

More happy fun dorkness:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

From Go-Quiz.com

Something in the air today. It’s neverending.

[15:56] (GQS) Next topic: energy
[15:56] * GQS giggles
[15:56] (GQS) Down with oil! Up with renewable and inexhaustible resources!
[15:57] (Tyralor) No more oiling you up then?
[15:57] (GQS) THat’s different. You just keep showing up on Saturdays as scheduled.
[15:57] * LadyFAI shudders at the TMI
[15:58] * GQS rolls around with Xan, now aiming at the others as if they were bowling pins
[15:58] (Joy) I prefer plant based, renewable oils. No petroleum jelly.
[15:58] (GQS) Mazola at the Holiday Inn
[15:58] * LadyFAI deftly moves away from the yin/yang rolly polly
[15:59] (Joy) hehehe…so you don’t have to clean the sheets?
[15:59] (LadyFAI) almond oil is nice… and doesn’t stain
[15:59] (GQS) Aloe for the Hilton
[15:59] (GQS) you got it
[15:59] (LadyFAI) jello at the Motel 6
[15:59] (Joy) Well, hell, if we’re doing that, just bring the chocolate syrup and whipped cream.
[15:59] (Joy) screw the oil, and let’s get REALLY interesting…
[15:59] (Joy) martini olives?
[16:00] (GQS) navel nibbles
[16:00] (Joy) but if anyone shows up with a sack of doorknobs, I’m leaving.
[16:00] (GQS) hehe *jot memo to E*
[16:01] (LadyFAI) cherries?!?! did someone say cherries??
[16:01] (GQS) at the Sheraton
[16:02] (LadyXan) Cehrries are so overfrated
[16:02] (LadyFAI) 1 hr and 21 mins left on this download… sheesh!!
[16:02] (LadyXan) overrated
[16:02] (LadyXan) cherries too
[16:02] * LadyFAI snickers
[16:02] (LadyFAI) Xan… stop typing with your hands full
[16:02] * GQS guides the rolly polly toward Matt and bowls him over
[16:02] (Joy) Honey.
[16:03] (Joy) Sticky. But fun.

[15:38] (GQS) There is no safety net which will catch all, without drowning the swimmers too.

This is why I love this woman. She’s so smawt.

But wait, there’s more!

I blame it on bad influences. It surely isn’t me. I’m innocent. Pure. Really.

[15:13] (LadyFAI) geez… my timing is horrendous… no I couldn’t get homesick for ya’ll on a day when you were giggly and fun and being silly… no… I get to get homesick and hear all about how we’re goign to be the victims of celestial events that will make life unpleasant
[15:14] (GQS) It’s a natural cycle
[15:14] (GQS) Just a very long one. So it’s kind of new to us.
[15:14] (LadyFAI) oh… so this has been happening for how long?? 10 years at least???
[15:14] (GQS) FAI, your whole life is generally upheaval. You may not notice a thing. hehehe
[15:15] (GQS) Live, love. That’s the way to get through anything, no?
[15:16] (GQS) Nothing celestial happens in a moment or a day. It creeps up, crescendos, fades away.
[15:16] (Joy) I could do without the crescendoing disaster part.
[15:16] (Joy) Crescendoing bliss is doable.
[15:16] (LadyXan) I can slip a vibrating thingie into Matt’s pocket and we can all dog pile!!
[15:17] (Tyralor) A few dozen Crescendos in response to the vibrating, Joy probably wouldn’t expect to.
[15:17] * Tyralor facepalms.
[15:17] (Tyralor) Xan!
[15:17] (LadyXan) WHA’?????!!!!
[15:17] (GQS) Remember that women can have multiple crescendos
[15:17] (LadyXan) *innocent look and accompanying blink*
[15:17] (Joy) I happen to DEMAND multiple crescendos…
[15:17] (Joy) *cough*
[15:18] (LadyFAI) ohhh… someone noticed my life is generally in upheaval…not sure if it’s a good or bad thing… lol
[15:18] (LadyXan) we’ll make Joy pile on first
[15:18] * Tyralor smiles blissfully, caught up in that thought for a minute
[15:18] (LadyFAI) ROFL
[15:18] * Joy grins like a cheshire cat.
[15:18] (LadyFAI) you guys are soooo bad
[15:18] * GQS points back to LFAI’s “turbo rut” mode
[15:18] (Joy) Goodness me. *fan fan fan fan*
[15:18] (LadyFAI) yeah yeah yeah
[15:18] (LadyXan) *adjusts her horns*

I swear! I’m innocent, despite the evidence to the contrary.

And she careens from the depths of dismal existence to…

Observe:

[15:09] (Diana) Xanadu… “universal energies of late” = grating upheaval, personally, locally, regionally, globally, and so on
[15:10] (LadyFAI) dang it… that means I need more chocolate
[15:11] (GQS) We’re having some celestial events which are vibrating the Earth over the next several months, possibly years. Most people will not be aware of why, but they’re being vibrated too… and not necessarily in a pleasant way.
[15:11] * GQS sugar coats.
[15:11] (Joy) We should OWN chocolate stock, Kat.
[15:11] (Joy) We should own freaking Godiva AND Hershey.
[15:11] (Tyralor) Laura Secord?
[15:12] (Joy) Look…if I’m going to be vibrated, I want it to be FUN thing, damn it!
[15:12] (LadyFAI) ditto… what she said
[15:12] (Tyralor) Mmmm. And I want to watch!
[15:12] (GQS) The trick is to accept that it’s a bumpy ride and see what there is to hang onto :_
[15:12] (Joy) *frown* Not participate?
[15:12] (GQS)
[15:13] (Tyralor) Well, if what Diana says is true….I’d be vibrating too!
[15:13] (GQS) Good point.

Somewhere, I hear a whore moan. That must be what all this last week has been about… Must be. PLEASE GOD LET IT BE OVER SOON! The ride is bumpy, and I want off.

EEENtewesteen.

According to the article, I may no longer need a male to reproduce! Let us, for the moment, throw aside the implications it might have on societal views of gay and lesbian relationships and get to the REALLY important issue.

Someone please explain to me WHY the hell I’d want to go through nine months (more like ten) of metabolic upheaval, mood swings, swollen appendages, swollen and painful mammaries, resulting in what could be hours long of intermittent excruciating pain and the possible tearing or cutting of tender fleshy bits…

if I couldn’t have the considerable fun of GETTING in that state.

“You want me to do WHAT??? And I don’t even get to CUM??!!”

If and when this pit of despair disgorges me from its depths, I’ll be ever so grateful.

I really don’t think it helps that I’m in dermatological distress. I’m such a vain person. Facial breakouts are extremely upsetting.

The unhappiness is nearly outweighing my loathing for doctors. Soon….soon… I shall give in and call for help.

Sometimes it’s really hard being an introvert as I am.

I have so little energy for the superficial. There are people I love or care about; people I consider valuable, very valuable. Yet, even with these people, if I see that my relationship or association with them is in danger of becoming superficial my first instinct is to drop them like the proverbial hot potato.

You see, superficiality, that polite feigned interest one might show someone in whom they have almost no interest, requires reserves of energy from me that I do not possess. It’s almost too much to interact with people who actually have interest in me. If they’re just being nice…to put it bluntly… fuck ‘em. I put my soul into every relationship I have. If there is no reciprocation of that, it’s a waste of my intensity.

I don’t need your kindness, or pity, or whatever it is that possesses you to try to swap inanity with me.

If, by chance, I have been under the delusion that you were as interested in who I am as I was in you, and you really weren’t, or are no longer…just tell me. No need to perpetuate an illusion. No point in prolonging a charade. There really is no reason to put off what will eventually be the demise of the association.

I require nothing less than absolute sincerity. I don’t have patience for anything else. My time…my whole self… is worth exactly every ounce of effort you can muster. If you don’t think I’m worth that effort, I certainly don’t want you around. I only make so much effort. When I don’t see it being returned, I question the value of a relationship. I must be earned. Daily.

Egotistical? Yes.
Selfish? Absolutely.

This is probably why I don’t have a lot of friends, but a lot of what I consider acquaintances. If you fall from grace into the acquaintance category, it means you are tolerated, I am polite and nice when I’m in a good mood, and you are about as valuable as a can of dog food. The few actual ‘friends’ I do have are extremely dear to me. And they are rewarded with every ounce of my affection, and I am fiercely loyal.

Maybe I really do suck light. Or a person’s will to live.

Oh well. At least I’m honest about it.

I FOUND MY SMILE! It hadn’t left, it was just hiding.

“I try to have sympathy for the homeless, but… I’m $25,000 in credit card debt, so it’s not going to happen. Ever.

Homeless person: Do you have a quarter? Im broke!

Me: F*** you, you’re not broke. You’re even. I’m broke! You work for food? I work for Visa. I’m working for food I bought in March. Of 1989.” – Steve Marmel

Honestly, introspection sucks.

In two days I have covered everything from “What am I doing with my life?” to wrangling with questions I have about my supposed faith. Never rains, but it pours.

My smile has abandoned me. Tsk.

One such train of thought: I continue to adhere to a religion that counsels youth, in a pamphlet handed out to them when they reach 12 years of age, that if young women want pierced ears they should limit it to one earring per ear, as more than one would attract undue attention and would therefore be immodest. So having, maybe, TWO earrings in one ear is immodest? If THAT is immodest, what is dressing up in flashy costumes and makeup and entertaining for the enjoyment of other people? That is certainly undue attention…at least more than having two little studs in one ear… I must be not only immodest, but immoral.

Go me!

I… have a problem with this perception. And now I wrestle with the seeming good I have known from my faith… a faith that literally saved my life at one point… weighed against the incredible nitpicky ‘rules’ of an organization where women dare not take any pleasure in their own attractive qualities, lest they be immodest.

Well, let me tell you…I am NOT wearing sack shaped dresses, and I will NEVER drive a minivan.

Events and circumstances of late have conspired to hit me where it hurts, my ego and pride, sending me into a spiral of self-loathing and dark introspection that hasn’t really done me a lot of good.

There are times when I WISH I could give in to the urge for drama. The capacity is there; the weird emotions that seem to instigate grand foolish gestures, the plaintive cry for attention.

Alas, there is the rational me that tempers such tendencies. My gestures aren’t so grand, while I laugh at myself in the process.

What is…is.

Weather the storm and move on.

I think I need to go to school in the fall, pick up where I suddenly panicked and dumped my life 15 years ago. Real obligations, not to anyone else but to myself, frightened me back then. I’ve always been good at obligation to others. I’ve made a life around those obligations for the comfort they provide me of being NEEEEEDED… (I need to be needed. Desperately. How pathetic is that?) So 15 years past, I chose comfortable and dependable, to be needed. And now I’m here chafing at mothering for longer than I’ve been a mother.

Maybe it’s time I learned to be obligated to me. (Sounds strange, for all that I so freely admit how selfish I am, yet in the important things, like self-improvement, I’ve neglected me horribly.)

Great.

Now somebody tell me what I want to be when I grow up, please.

And then come over and do my laundry, because I’m tired of doing it.