It’s a few days away and already…
Cats: miscellanea|I’m stressing about the birthday; the marking of another year gone by.
How silly can I possibly be? It’s just a number.
Ok, so it didn’t help that I recently watched that dumb cable show… “What Not to Wear”. They had this woman on there that was turning 40… and she liked to dress like I do. They were ALL over her for wearing jeans and little t-shirts…and how she should do better and look more like someone who should be picking the kids up from soccer practice. (Ok, granted, I draw the line at the Hooters t-shirt… wouldn’t quite wear THAT… and I never wear t-shirts that are clearly two sizes too small, but still.)
My thought through all that was… “Please. Someone just SHOOT me if I ever look like someone who should be picking the kids up from soccer practice.”
They had her covering her boobs, which were large, and shapely… They had her in blazers, and cropped pants (capris, whatever). God, I hate those. Starchy looking clothes with NO cling.
The ONE thing they did that I approved of was get her away from clunky, chunky shoes and more into feminine, slender heels. It worked better for her. Otherwise…they aged her at LEAST 15 years.
I don’t want that to be me.
No, I don’t want to look like a 16 year old. Can’t, and really, have you SEEN some of the 16 year olds walking around?
I reguarly find myself looking at young women with the words ‘trashy’, ‘skanky’, ‘cheap’ coming to mind. Pretty girls… who’ve obviously spent a WHOLE bunch of money on white teeth, fake tans, the new boobs they got for graduation, expensive clothes, shiny accessories… and they just look too made up. Not real. Plastic.
Right. So anyway, I don’t want to look like that. Don’t think I do…
So what’s my problem? My problem is the perception that an adult woman shouldn’t still be daring, or fun. “Women over 35 should not wear short skirts.” Um, why? I mean, it’s one thing if you don’t have the legs for it…but if you do?
I know that getting discombobulated over the opinions of others is ridiculously futile. Why should I care how people view me and the way I am? I generally don’t, but I really don’t like being looked down upon for being myself.
So I’m not turning 40 on Friday, but that’s not too far past the horizon.
And I still like to wear ripped jeans, soft and clingy t-shirts with snarky attitude sayings on them, and yes, I have boobs. They aren’t small. I’m also not rail thin. I was once, but that’ll never happen again. I’m getting used to it.
Am I in the best shape? No. Do I look better than many women my age? Probably. Do I look better than ALL women my age? Definitely not.
Am I hung up on appearance? Certainly. I’m unapologetically vain.
But it’s more than appearance. I want to feel comfortable in my skin… and I almost do. It just makes it SO much harder when people around me look at me as though I’ve eaten an alien and it’s taken over my body, because I refuse to conform to their expectations of what a woman of my age and social position should do, say, or look like.
So… like… it’s growing pains. At my age. What the HELL… Nobody told me this was going be a lifelong thing!
Is it supposed to be? Or am I just doing something wrong?
