that’s great.

If you have a comment about something in my blog…

that’s great, too, provided you place your comment in the ‘comments’ section of the blog.

Names are often changed or left out to protect the innocent, or not so innocent. Full disclosure is certainly NOT something I do here. Most of what I write is tongue-in-cheek, even the seemingly emotionally distressed things. Sometimes what I write is meant to make other people think… about a situation… about their own situations… about abstract ideas… or sometimes it’s just to make people laugh, or cry, or just to blow off some steam.

When placing information online for people to see, one should expect that others will have an opinion about what is written, or have something to say. These things are welcome.

Things that are not welcome:

Sending an email that could have just as easily been typed in as a comment on the blog.

Calling a phone number that was never directly given to you, having never been invited to call, only to leave a message that could easily have been typed as a comment on the blog.

If you are doing these things, you need to realize that I am not in a personal conversation with you. I write what I write for my purposes, and post it for people to see, as a group. If you wish to respond, please do it in the group setting as I intended.

I object to being contacted by a person who was not given permission to do so. It makes me uncomfortable. You do not know me well enough to take such liberties.

These comments are not meant to be rude, but I want them to be perfectly clear. I am making them public because I want other people to see them as well, on the off chance that they may find themselves in this situation… on one side or the other.

Brief online communication does not constitute a close, personal relationship. Friendliness should not be construed as a license to enter into someone’s life any further than they have given you cause to believe you could.

Please understand this. I say these things with as much kindness and forebearance as I can muster. (And these days, it’s amazing that I can muster them at all.)

In a nutshell: Back off. I do not respond well to intruders.

Weird week.

So… I’m stressed. And I’m doing it again. You know, that irrational mindset thing. I wake up daily with my perspective hazy from the emotional distortion that overlays everything I do, see, hear, read, think, feel. I’m calling a doctor. This is insanity, and I can’t tolerate it.

Lack of sleep.

Lack of direction.

Terror from not knowing where I’ll be in a month or two, or how much money I’ll have.

Feeling discarded, or disregarded, or devalued.

Wanting OH so badly to be taken ’seriously’, only to behave in a way that even *I*, in a rational state, can not take seriously.

It’s like I have this weird multiple personality that comes out, takes over, and does everything possible to ruin all the things I value in life while I’m trapped inside watching.

Oh, and I’m broke, but I have to scrape something together since we have to go dance at Cairo Carnival this weekend…

THEN…

I got the call to fill in dancing for someone… so that’s cool. I’ll get to eat a meal out this weekend on our trip.

THEN…

I got another call to go do a bellygram type thing, and since it was out of town an hour away, AND at freakin’ 7:45 a.m. (the morning after dancing and getting home close to midnight), quoted one and a half times what I would normally charge… and the guy blithely agreed! So…. I did it, now I have a little to put aside.

Hm. Can the good things come in threes, please, Bountiful Universe? Preferably in the form of fixing what my evil twin self keeps trying to break.

In the mean time, I’ll have a nap, try to get a grip, then do the laundry so I have underwear in L.A. Saturday and Sunday.

It’s the little things in life that are important. Like.. wearing underwear when one dances.

Yup.

OH yeah…. and Happy Birthday to two people in my life who I will never, ever forget, and without whom my life would not be nearly as interesting.

To the elder: I am grateful for you, I appreciate you, and I love you. I wish only all good things for you, always. I hope they find you.

To the younger: All of the above as well, and I do love you, no matter what. The truth of that doesn’t change, no matter my mindset.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Great words. Very conscious. Very mindful.
I don’t know that I’m wired to do these things, however.

1. … maybe
2. … haven’t managed that one YET
3. … I’m going to have to do that very soon. No choice.
4. … Um. No. Been giving all my life. It’s what got me in this mess.
5. … Expect less of what? Myself? That would be bad. Others? No, that’s what got me here. Life? uh-uh. I expect WAY more out of life these days.

Hm. Goes to show… good advice is subjective at best. Still… good advice is good advice.

Maybe someday.

The new fashion in blog crapocity. Therapy. Catharsis. Uselessness.

The Rules:

* List ten things you want to say to people, but know you never will.
* Don’t say who they are, use people only once.
* All who read this must post in their own blog. (But WILL they?)

1. You aren’t fooling anyone. I’m on to you and your little games. Stop faking nice. No one’s buying it.

2. Get therapy. Find counseling. Do something, because everyone thinks you’re nuts, and no one takes you seriously.

3. Are you sure?

4. It’s been HOW many years? I never write back. I never call back. Why haven’t you given up on me?

5. Leave me the fuck alone!

6. Try being a bit more assertive. Quit waiting for everyone to do the right thing by you. They won’t. People just aren’t that nice.

7. Stop using me and start seeing my value.

8. So… I guess the old cliche “Be careful what you ask for” is true, isn’t it?

9. Why didn’t you call to say you couldn’t come?

10. Your influence is not as grand as you think it is, but it certainly serves my purpose for you to think so.

To paraphrase someone else, I will neither confirm nor deny any suspicions held of whether these statements apply to any specific person or persons.

Suffer in paranoia, or believe I made it all up. No skin off my nose.