One does that when one has nothing better to do than sit around trying to breathe between coughs.

So… I’ve consolidated. Yet again. Pulling yet another shard of my shattered self together to join another. The OTHER blog… Spare Miscellaneous… is now combined with this. Posting will continue here.

As we continue our tour, if you’ll please look to your left, you’ll find the sidebar has moved and been reorganized. Some of you will find the chatterbox a familiar friend, others will find it to be a new addition to your blogging experience. Please make use of it if so inclined. If it goes too long without posts, it disappears.

Friends… acquaintances… perfect strangers… alter egos… please meet my OTHER friends…acquaintances… perfect strangers… and alter egos. You’re all in the listing. I may add more as I crawl out of my shell (or if I’m invited to do so).

Everyone introduced? Comfy?

Ok.

You’ll note the new look. I was tired of green SHRIEKING AT ME every time I came here. Now it’s just a pleasant accent.

I’ve added links, reorganized links, dumped links, toyed with layout, and generally kept myself preoccupied for hours.

Isn’t it pretty?

I’m consolidating.

I have six blogs, and that’s just silly.

Especially when they usually all say the same things…

I may keep one or two separate for specific types of commentary (dance related reviews, etc), but it’s time… oh indeed it is… to pull a couple more of the shards of my splintered self together.

Find future postings here:

Joy Unconfined

I’m not going to stop posting. I’m not going to stop reading all y’all… and if I can figure it out, the chatterbox will move over there too. I did. I figured it out.

I know it might be kind of a pain to update links and whatnot, but… well…

“Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” – Westley

So… yeah. Hope you come find me. Please do.

Level 1
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) smoked weed
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
(X) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 1

Level 2
(X) said “I love you” to someone
(X) had a pet die
(X) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) fell down a mountain
SO FAR: 4

Level 3
( ) snuck out of a parent’s house
(X) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
(X) gone out on a blind date
(X) lied
SO FAR: 7

Level 4
(X) had a crush on an older person
(X) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(X) seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 10

Level 5
( ) had/have a crush on one of your Facebook friends (what’s facebook?)
( ) been to Paris (I’d like to)
( ) been to Spain (ditto)
(X) been on a plane
( ) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 11

Level 6
(X) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of okcupid (no, but does it count if I’ve met several someones because of the internet?)
( ) been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 12

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(X) taken pain killers
(X) loved/liked someone who you cant have
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 16

Level 8
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) laid in the street
SO FAR: 21

Level 9
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
(X) cheated while playing a game
(X) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 25

Level 10
( ) used a fake/someone else’s ID
(X) watched the sunset
(X) felt an earthquake
SO FAR: 27

Level 11
(X) been tickled
( ) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone/vandalized
(X) been misunderstood
(X) pet a deer
SO FAR: 30

Level 12
(X) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(X) had detention
(X) been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 33

Level 13
(X) had/have braces
(X) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja-vu
(X) danced in the moonlight (by myself, but I think it counts)
SO FAR: 37

Level 14
(X) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(X) questioned your heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 39

Level 15
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the world (no, that would be in the Indian Ocean, I know this because of this website: If I dig a very deep hole)
(X) swam in the ocean/gulf/lake
(X) felt like you were dying (quite recently)
SO FAR: 43

Level 16
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(X) sang karaoke.
(X) paid with only coins
SO FAR: 47

Level 17
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(X) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 51

Level 18
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe (always wanted to, silly sentimental reasons, but the opportunity never arose. The same for taking a horse/carriage ride. Just doesn’t seem to work out.)
(X) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 53

Level 19
(X) crashed a party
(X) have traveled more than 5 hours with a car/bus full of people
(X) gone rollerskating/blading
(X) had a wish come true
SO FAR: 57

Level 20
(X) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) Screamed ‘PENIS’ in class
( ) gone swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 58

Level 21
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
( ) kissed a fish
( ) licked a pay phone
(X) sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 59

Level 22
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
(X) done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
(X) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 63

Level 24
(X) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
(X) had/been in a tree house
(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone
SO FAR: 67

Level 25
( ) believe in ghosts
(X) have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes (It’s an illness. I’m in recovery)
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail/visit
SO FAR: 68

Level 26
(X) played chicken
( ) been pushed/jumped into a pool with all your clothes on
(X) been told you’re hot by a complete stranger
(X) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
SO FAR: 72

Level 27
( ) caught a fish then ate it later
(X) made or been in a video
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
SO FAR: 76

Level 28
( ) mooned/flashed someone
(X) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(X) forgotten someone’s name
(X) slept naked
(X) French braided someones hair
(X) gone skinny dipping in a pool
(X) Been kicked out of your house
SO FAR: 82

Level 29
(X) Rode a roller-coaster
( ) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(X) had a cavity
( ) Black-mailed someone (extortion I suppose, technically)
( ) been black mailed
SO FAR: 84

Level 30
(X) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat/dog
( ) played hide and seek within the last 3 years
(X) bitten someone
(X) licked someone
SO FAR: 87

I’m not sure if there’s a purpose to this, other than it makes me aware of some of things I might like to do… and others that I’m glad I haven’t…

Calm DOWN!

From the number of blog comments, personal emails and messages and phone calls I’ve received, you’d think I had threatened suicide.

At no point did I say “I am going to take my own life.” Nor did I say “I wish to be dead, therefore I am going to make it happen.”

If you have learned ANYthing from reading the words that come out of my head, you should have learned that I take great pains to be very precise with those words. If I intend something, I say it very clearly. There is no vague reference that might, could, possibly, sort of, maybe, mean something. I will bludgeon you with the sledgehammer of my will. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.

But… for the record, if I WERE going to kill myself, I would leave no hint. None. No warning. No clue. I wouldn’t tell anyone, and I certainly wouldn’t make broad statements about the futility of life to tip anybody off. What would be the point? If I were going to do it, I would just do it and not piss around with the idea. I consider death, in any circumstance, to be a very private, personal thing. One would think I would be even more close-mouthed and private about my own. It’s ridiculous to broadcast such a thing. It smacks of attention-getting. If I want attention, I’ll throw some other kind of hissy fit. Killing myself is NOT the way to get attention. There would be no enjoying the attention. Counterproductive.

Also note… I am of the opinion that killing oneself is a copout. I will have ALL of you know I am far better than that. I am superior to such cowardly ways. I am stronger. Better. Faste…. Why am I hearing 70s theme music?

Seriously. I’m not a quitter. Not that kind, anyway.

No… what I was expressing with my previous blog… was an all-around frustration with the circumstances I have found myself in. I’m still climbing out of that hole. It is very deep. Such depth, and yet so shallow in some ways.

Haven’t YOU ever felt that you just don’t have the energy, anymore, for anything? Haven’t you ever wondered why you’re moving forward in a direction that really doesn’t matter anymore?

I just… wished, especially at that given moment, that I were dead rather than having to deal with what was… is… going on inside my mind.

I will warn you, if you’re going to get your undergarments bunched over reading something like this in my blog, you should probably just… stop… reading it. I will take no responsibility for you getting upset over ME working out my emotions.

The sky is NOT falling, Chicken Little. It’s just a really big thunderstorm, and I’m outside without a raincoat and umbrella.

I could die from a lightning strike, but that wouldn’t be my fault. That would be divine will. I could die from hypothermia, but that would only be if I were too stupid to figure out it was getting cold. (I’m not.) I could die from the flu virus that ran rampant through my body and turned into pneumonia because I stayed out too long and suppressed my immune system. (This could be happening right now. I’ve lost my voice and there is an alien living in my chest.)

But I am NOT going stare up into the raindrops, open my mouth and try to drown myself. I’m not going to throw myself into the river.

Don’t get histrionic when I talk about how I FEEL.

Jayzus.

Many reasons.

As is, I’m going through the motions because there are people who count on me. Some… for things that don’t really matter. But it gives me something to do. My heart is no longer in it.

And I don’t think I’ll wake up from this particular nightmare.

Same game, different songs. Less songs. And more lyrics to clue you in. Give it a shot. I need things to distract me.

1. Dont ask me
What you know is true
Dont have to tell you
I love your precious heart – Never Tear Us Apart – INXS

2. My friends feel it’s their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me

3. waiting on a Sunday afternoon
for what I read between the lines,
your lies. – Interstate Love Song – Stone Temple Pilots

4. hold my hand its shakin’ bad
i’m going to the doc
i pay him he’ll fix me up
i think ive got enough

5. A CHURCH HOUSE GIN HOUSE
A SCHOOL HOUSE OUT HOUSE
ON HIGHWAY NUMBER NINETEEN
THE PEOPLE KEEP THE CITY CLEAN - Nutbush City Limits – Ike & Tina Turner

6. Is it me or did the room just get darker?
Is it me or did I just lay down and die?

7. I woke up this morning, someone was knocking at my door.
I woke up this morning, someone was knocking at my door.
And I said hello sweet Satan, I believe it’s time to go. – Sun Going Down – The Tea Party (at least the version I have is by The Tea Party)

8. Ooh, now let’s get down tonight
Baby I’m hot just like an oven
I need some lovin’
And baby, I can’t hold it much longer
It’s getting stronger and stronger

9. How high’s the water, mama?
Two feet high and risin’
How high’s the water, papa?
Two feet high and risin’ - Five Feet High And Rising – Johnny Cash

10. Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won’t bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin’ at me again
Yeah I can hear that

11. Ooh I need your love babe,
Guess you know it’s true
Hope you need my love babe,
Just like I need you. - Eight Days A Week – The Beatles

12.April come she will
When streams are ripe and swelled with rain; April Come She Will – Simon & Garfunkel

13. It’s not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me

14.Hey, baby, if youre feelin down
I know whats good for you all day
Are you worried what your friends see
Will it ruin your reputation lovin me

15. Uhh! Awww, sookie sookie now!
Hey! Oww, uhh! Come on, baby!
Hey there, Sugar Darlin’,
Let me tell you something
Girl, I’ve been trying to say, now.
You look so sweet,
And you’re so doggone fine.
I just can’t get you out of my mind.

Alright, ya chickens. Adding the answers now. I’ll put a star next to the ones someone guessed (or were guessed closely enough). 3… Pitiful.

Stolen from a stranger’s blog.

Step 1: Put your media player of choice on random. (mine will be itunes)
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing. (I’ll give you the first 2 for some of them)
Step 3: Bold out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Google is cheating!

So… make your guesses in comments by the numbers, I’ll update the blog if you get them right.

See, cuz, this is better than spewing emotional drivel. Yup.

1. “When I had you I treated you bad and wrong my dear” - Who’s Loving You – Jackson 5
2. ” Hey I’ve got no place to be And no one I’d rather see” – It’s Easy – Boston
   
3. ” I been in a cave For forty days Only a spark To light my way” – I Still Believe – Tim Capello (off the Lost Boys Soundtrack)
   
4. “I am the voice inside your head and I control you” Mr. Self Destruct – Nine Inch Nails
5. “Ah, Ah, We come from the land of ice and snow From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.” *Immigrant Song – Led Zeppelin
6. “Sharp dressed servers where the upscale dine A safe dial turned by a glove in the crimes of night” -Total Job – The Faint
7. “So long, I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve been waiting too long ” - Waiting For A Girl Like You – Foreigner
8. “Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head Slip into my lovers hands” - Lover Lay Down – Dave Matthews Band
9. “In the beginning there was semen In a deep mound of flesh” Birth – The Faint
10. ” El viento de la noche gira en el cielo” Puedo Escribir – Sixpence None The Richer
11. “Early in the morning I can’t do right Had a little fight with my baby last night” Early In The Morning – Harry Nilsson
12. “Well since my baby left me I found a new place to dwell” - *Heartbreak Hotel – Elvis Presley
13. “No I can’t forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving” -*Without You – Harry Nilsson
14. “understand, i don’t care if i meet you and you don’t care if we meet” - Syntax Lies – The Faint
15. ” Come on and lay with me” - Lie To Me – Depeche Mode
16. “If you leave her now You’re never gonna see her again” - The Marrying Kind – Prince
17. “Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light To chase a feather in the wind” - All My Love – Led Zeppelin
18. ” Out on the tar plains the glides are moving” - The Chauffer – Deftones (Duran Duran cover)
19. ” Time has come today Young hearts can go their way” - *Time Has Come Today – Chambers Brothers (not Isley Brothers)
20. ” You walk into the room, you know what’s on my mind. You know just how to reach me, baby, without even trying. ” - Second Nature – Eric Clapton
21. “Like anyone would be I am flattered by your fascination with me” - Uninvited – Alans Morissette
22. “Club mix Club mix How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve” - Gett Off – Prince
23. ” You say that it’s over baby, Lord, You say that it’s over dear,” - Move Over – Janis Joplin
24. “Spend all your time waiting For that second chance” - Angel – Sara McLachlan
25. ” Never know how much I love you Never know how much I care” - *Fever – Ella Fitzgerald (though Peggy Lee did it famously)
26. “Ya leil, Ah leish, ya habibi, habibi leish, habibi leish kidda w’ana ba hibbak” - Kidda – Natacha Atlas
27. “My heart is broken like a window” - Broken Window – Circuit (Matty would have got this if he EVER read my blog.)
28. ” At my door the leaves are falling A cold wild wind has come” - I Still Miss Someone – Johnny Cash
29. ” With eyes of fire No one can see The smoke from the sweet grass Covers me” - Unbound – Robbie Robertson
30. ” More bounce More bounce More bounce Much more bounce” - More bounce To The Ounce – Zapp & Roger

Fuckityfuckfuckington fuckery!

FuckFuckFuckFuckFUCK

oh.

fuck.