Joy Unconfined

but none of them want to come out to play.

I have stuff that needs to be said. Well, maybe it doesn’t NEEEED to be said, but it wants to be said. Okay, I THINK it wants to be said. It could be said.

Whatever.

There are words in my mind. No, not words. More like amorphous possibilities of ideas and thoughts strung together.

Right.

So there are a lot of them. They’re in my head. Right now. Have been for several days.

They just won’t come out to play.

I want to write a review of a REALLY great show I saw last weekend. It really was really great. But that one doesn’t want to move forward.

I have personal, deep (not really), soul-baring, crushingly unpleasant things that I need to work out in words (because that’s what I’ve always done)… horrible things that must be described in detail. They won’t swim to the surface of my dark river of pain either.

There have been random almost-ideas that flitter past like the dragonflies that dart to and fro among the tall weeds down by the river. You don’t really actually SEE them. You don’t REALLY know quite what color the iridescent flash of wings was this time, or how big (or small) they are… but you can hear them… sometimes feel a little rush of wind by your ear, that buzzy-drummy sound all at once thunderous then distant.

Yes. Many things are in my head.

Look out when the floodgate opens. It’s likely to be a monstrous mess that comes barreling down the gorge, sweeping rational thought and proper grammar aside, knocking over the flimsy constructs of my everyday attempts at sanity, levity, decency and good nature.

So many things.

And they’re eating me alive from within. If I don’t find a way to release them, soon my eyes will no longer be the windows to my soul. They’ll have that unworded sign that says “Vacant” simply by the loss of the spark (or maybe it says “Condemned, no admittance”)… Lights are on, nobody’s home? No… not that. Somebody just left the window open, and Joy doesn’t live here anymore.

These things. “That’s gonna need ta come out…”

You’re the doctor. Schedule the operation.

Oh. I see. We’ll have to wait for an opening in the schedule.

Golly.

I sure hope one comes up soon.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm and is filed under random thoughty-ness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.