I find the occasional home-made Valentine in my little treasure box, and to me they’re as precious as the commercial printed ones.

This one may be my favorite in the entire box. Let’s see if you can guess why.

I LOVE YOU LITTLE
I LOVE YOU BIG
I LOVE YOU LIKE
A LITTLE FAT PIG

On the back it says “To Doris Y From Maurine Selzer”

I wonder if Maurine had a quirky sense of humor, or if she was trying to be spiteful in a deceptively ‘tongue-in-cheek’ manner.

Probably the former. In any case, I like it.

Do try not to capsize the boat. I’m not sure where we’re headed… honestly… but I do have a lot of things on my mind, and I’m fairly certain they’re going to all jumble together into some sort of crazed unreality, but… you know… it’s my brain we’re talkin’ ’bout here.

sooooooo

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

Down to business.

It’s been one of those days. One of those “I hate life, I’d rather not be here for this life thing right now.” days.

So… I’m going to bitch about things that don’t matter.

Do you ever have that feeling of futility? I’m talking about that feeling that just makes you feel like there REALLY is no point in trying, or caring, or making an effort. It’s insidious. It stems from a great many places in one’s life. Lost love. Failure to accomplish something. Frustration at some situation one can’t change. Or maybe you just had a bad day.

Or… maybe… you look at the state of the country where you live and think… “What the fuck?”

Then you see something like this posted in a bulletin on Myspace:

And you say… “WHAT the FUCK?!”

So… you do a little google search… and find this:

(Skip through this one. It’s painfully long, boring, and not very interesting, except for about the last 25% where you see the ‘ritual’. And even that’s not all that interesting in itself… see my comments to come.)

Let me make this perfectly clear. I don’t buy the conspiracy theme. At least… not in the way the guy that did that last video seems to look at it.

But now…. now I’m going… “WHAT… the…. FUCK!!!!”

Here I am, a single mom without an income. I happen to be white, and attending school, so I don’t qualify for much, if any, sort of government sponsored aid. No. Can’t even get much of a fucking grant. Certainly doesn’t cover my tuition.

But you know, I’m really not that bad off. I look around and see other people whose lives and circumstances are even MORE dire…

And then I watch things like the above to find that the movers and shakers of this country are spending their time cavorting in the forest and having ‘summer camp’ complete with ridiculous, outdated, time-worn rituals.

Did you watch the ritual? Did you SEE how goddamned HOKEY that thing is? Yes… The people who make POLICY for our GOVERNMENT, who lead our nation, some of whom have been Commander In Chief…. play dress up and burn shit to a soundtrack that sounds like it came from a REALLY bad 30s B movie.

These are the guys who think they’re qualified to tell ME how to live my life. I’m just getting by. I don’t GET a vacation. I can’t afford to go hang out in the woods and swill expensive whiskey by the fireside in mountain lodges. I can’t afford an $80+ robe to participate in the pageantry of asinine mysticism about the “Cremation of Care”.

I won’t even get into the “no women allowed” bit. Wait… no… I’ll get into it just this much. If women were to get together in such a huge, secretive gathering… even powerful, brilliant, rich, accomplished women… it wouldn’t have the aura of ‘legitimacy’ to it that these guys get from it being a gathering of the nations most elite and well-off “good ole boy” network.

When I really try to put my finger on why I’m irked by this… I think it comes down to this.

I don’t really care if scores of overgrown frat boys want to go play “I’m an elite dumbass” in the woods and play dressup and think they’re really cool. What offends me so deeply… is… really… that they just have SUCH a lack of taste, and no imagination.

I’d like to transplant the lot of them into a Burning Man camp suddenly… and see what would happen. Apoplexy in some cases, I’m sure. But… maybe… enlightenment in others.

*snicker*

It’s only been 18 years or so since I’ve sung in public. I’m not so much worried about the singing part. I can do that. I’ve always been able to do that. It’s just… not being a complete dork in front of people… and remembering all the words… and…

Yes. I’m making a cheat sheet. I shall sing via cheat sheet.

I’m looking forward to it being a fun night, though. All the songs I might get to sing are songs that I love doing… and I will NOT being singing everything, which is cool, because I love the stuff the other guys are doing too.

It’s just all-around a fun little show, with or without me. It was a surprise hit at Rogue 2007, before they brought me in. I hope I can live up to what they’ve already accomplished.

And after we’re done, there’s a one-time chance to see Tale End once more. Definitely one of the most talked about shows of the Rogue, it is, in my opinion, undeniably fantastic. If you’re in Fresno, and you wanted to see it, but missed it because it was sold out or playing opposite your own show, or you just couldn’t quite make it in time… SEE IT NOW.

I honestly can’t believe Rogue Year Round is doing 2 shows for the price of $10, when any one show would be worth that price.

But I’m nervous. And singing incessantly around the house. Good thing the podling is on vacation with her dad this week. It annoys her when I wander around warbling. She says things like, “Mom, I really like the way you sing… it’s just that you NEVER STOP!”

heh.

Story of my life.

Breakfast = a small square of chocolate-cherry fudge.

I’m going to hell. No handbasket. Just my own two feet.

It’s true…

Soon, drinking hard liquor…

…taking my clothes off for money…

and then, one day, I’ll find myself dead.

Ok. I won’t find me that way.

Someone else will.

But I’ll still be dead.

Three cheers for self-destruction!

This rockin’ little bear was never sent to anyone, as far as I can tell. At least, no one wrote on it.

This is another Carrington Co Chicago, ILL greeting, with an “E” in the fir tree insignia.

RULES:
1. Put Your itunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down, no matter how weird it sounds!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
“Love Is Not Enough” Nine Inch Nails

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
“Life O’ The Party” Prince (that’s what came up. I SWEAR. The irony.)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Slow Like Honey” Fiona Apple

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“The Seeker” The Who (are these fookin’ prophetic??)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
“Why Didn’t You Call Me?” Macy Gray (ROFLMMFAO)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“Who Are You?” The Who (Yeah… more prophetic by the moment)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“Crawlin’ King Snake” Etta James (ohhhh yeah.)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
“Leaves That Are Green” Simon & Garfunkel (Ok, that makes no sense)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
“A Simple Desultory Phillipic” Simon & Garfunkel

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“The Sinner In Me” Depeche Mode (um… yeah. Definitely has that effect.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“Dancing Drums” Badmarsh & Shri

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing” Chris Isaak (teehee)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Rain King” Counting Crows (er?)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Need You Tonigh” INXS (of course… I’ll never get married again… but hey.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“The Marrying Kind” Prince (That just ain’t right.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
“Precious Things” Tori Amos

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
“Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” Ella Fitzgerald (baby, ain’t THAT the truth.)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“Be Quiet and Drive” Deftones

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Viva Las Vegas” Dead Kennedys

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
“50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” Paul Simon

Mingle² – Online Dating

Wow.

And I thought I was pretty tame.

But, apparently, I am rated thus because…

* crap (7x)
* hell (3x)
* fucker (2x)
* fucking (1x)

My, my, my.

Such language from innocent little me.

I only blog about things that interest me, or that catch my eye, and this is definitely one of them.

It’s about USA Network’s Burn Notice.

If you were a spy, what tools and techniques would you use to successfully accomplish dangerous missions without revealing your true identity?

Starting June 28th Michael Weston, a CIA Operative on USA Network’s new TV series, Burn Notice, will have to accomplish a similar task!

It’s an intriguing question. I’ve heard about some of the things people have done in the past to change their identity, or conceal their real identity… you know, finding someone who was born around the same time as them but died right away, getting that birth certificate and creating a personal history for that name…

Obviously, never give your real name, or address, or any sort of personal information out… to ANYone.

Fake IDs… more than one, in different names. Numerous made-up personal histories, even different sets of likes/dislikes to talk about with people as you go about your business.

Learning how to change one’s appearance, maybe? Not just hair color and contacts of the eyes, but posture, behavior, tone of voice, inflection…

Yeah. I was exposed to all sorts of things growing up. My Dad had a hobbyist interest in reading about the things survivalists and conspiracy theorists would do, or have done, or think might become necessary. (Not that he’s wacky enough to have really bought into it, but really… admit it… this stuff is kind of intriguing… what WOULD you do if you had to go ‘underground’?)

I don’t know, though, what one could do in this day and age of more and more identity tracking. I think there are people out there that know more about my buying habits than *I* do. It’s getting more and more likely that various aspects of our lives (medical records, school history, buying habits, criminal record, social contacts) will all be linked easily to our identities.

It might be harder… then again, it might be easier if one knows how to confuse the system.

So, really, I’m not sure what I would do to conceal my true identity so I could accomplish a dangerous mission or two. I’m very interested in seeing what the show writers have come up with for this guy. I think it would be fascinating. And, of course, I wonder just how realistic it will be, as opposed to the ‘hollywood’ version of such things.

Still, this could be some really fun viewing.