I know, I know, it’s late. But it’s still Friday.

Memories

“…like the corners of my miiiiiiind….”

I had to do that.

Today I’m counting memories. But I don’t see them as misty, or water-colored. They’re the jewels that still shine, even when the frame of our lives has grown dull, misty, water-colored, gray, or even dark.

I’ve been thinking about that lately, having lost a dear and very treasured friend. I don’t have her. I don’t have her voice, or her thoughts or opinions… but I do have what I remember. I do have the memories of all the fun we’ve shared, of all the wisdom she’s offered, of all I know of her.

(That’s her with her husband.)

Memories are cool that way… because even in the most dire of moments, even in the darkest depths of grief, I’ll remember something she said, or a joke we laughed at together, something silly that was done, or said, or worn… and suddenly I’m smiling…

Then, this last week, I got to see people I knew 20 years ago… and THAT brought back memories I didn’t even know I had.

More smiles, more laughter, more wistful remembrance.

People come and go in our lives. Friends grow apart, move away… We get older, and more involved in our own paths, losing track of the paths of others…

We meet new people who light up our lives and burn deeply into our hearts and minds. We love unreservedly…

And that doesn’t always work out either… but oh, the memories. So many beautiful, precious, important memories.

The first sight of a face that becomes etched in the mind for all time…

The ghost of a touch, a whisper…

The smell of cologne…

The echo of laughter…

A favorite pet…

The first time you hold a baby in your arms, so tiny, precious and fragile…

The gaze of adoration from a loved one…

A remembered holiday tradition…

(Ok, who didn’t do that with the olives at a holiday gathering?)

The vista you saw as you gazed across the horizon from your childhood home…

The profile of a sleeping child…

Awards won, endeavors accomplished, victories gained…

A memory is enough to change your body chemistry… it can evoke feelings of desire, longing, love, lust, sorrow, anger, regret… and oddly, I find that time does not diminish the effects of some of these.

Memories, links to our past selves, signposts that help mark the paths we’ve taken to be who we are today.

Photos can fade, mementos can be lost, people taken from us… but always, we have memories. I pray fervently I never lose mine.

Today I count memories, because sometimes… they’re all we have left of those grand moments in life.

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t! The older one’s 9 and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,” replied the greeter. “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

It’s my first HNT!

Why would I do this?

Dunno.

Maybe it’s because I wanna get in on that sarong thing for next week.

Anyway, this week, it seems a lot of my attention has been centering around my nose and sinuses… so that’s the lovely picture you get. My nose, and some eye. I am sick. I have been sick. I am ready to not be sick.

Mucus, snot, sneezing, coughing… all of these no longer need to be a part of my life.

But look! I still have a nose. A big, red, unhappy one.

Whomever you may be…

Just how many times are you gonna look at this blog?

Check out the map thingy over there in the sidebar at the right. Do you SEE how many times it flashes “Hunstville, AL” compared to EVERYwhere else?

So… either there is some weird glitch in that map that makes it REALLY like Huntsville, AL… OR… there is some weird person that REALLY likes to look at this utterly boring blog…

But seriously… identify yourself.

Who are you?

I’m getting paranoid.

Don’t toy with me.

BTW… I have a gun.

And a REALLY big boyfriend.

And stuff.

I’m just sayin’.

I think… now… that this alien that has taken residence in my sinuses and chest (oh noooo… ALIEN!!) needs to leave. I’ve missed 2 days of classes, a night of dance rehearsal and a night of band rehearsal.

That’s quite enough, thank you.

What worthy cause?

I just found out about the Memory Walk, and I plan to find the nearest and sponsor someone, or to otherwise contribute to this effort.

What is it?

A little bit about the Memory Walk:

The Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk is the nation’s largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer care, support and research. Held annually in hundreds of communities across the country, this inspiring event calls on volunteers of all ages to become champions in the fight against Alzheimer’s. Since 1989, Memory Walk has raised more than $225 million. Team captains are needed NOW! Team Captains need to sign up early to ensure they have enough time to recruit a team and raise funds for the cause!

Why does Joy care?

I watched as my grandmother aged and lost her memory, as well as her ability to do the most simple things to care for herself. This independent, vibrant, intelligent, lovely woman could no longer remember words, or how to tie a shoe, she would forget she had started something and not come back to it, because she didn’t know it was there…

She was cared for… but the hard thing was seeing the bewilderment in her eyes when she KNEW she should know something, but just didn’t. Or the apprehension and confusion when she would ‘meet’ someone she had known for many years. Then later… she was still with us, but we had already lost her… the spark that was her was just gone, she was just sitting, staring into space, truly not knowing… or remembering… almost anything at all.

I would love to help contribute to the fight to prevent families from having to watch the inevitable deterioration of their loved ones.

How you can help, too.

Click here to learn more about the Memory Walk to help end Alzheimer’s.

Then, sign up to sponsor a Memory Walker, by using the “find a walk” feature that leads you to the “sponsor participant” feature.

OR…

Become a Team Captain! The first thing is find a Memory Walk…

In California there are walks scheduled in Orange County, San Diego, Chico, San Marcos, Sacramento , San Bernardino, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Thousand Oaks, Aptos, San Luis Obispo, Coachella Valley, Santa Rosa, and San Francisco. You can check your state or area for one!

So you’ve found the walk… now sign up to start your own team!

How do I start a team?

Invite a few friends and family to participate, and have THEM invite friends and family to participate… and so on…

OR… Team up at work! Get your coworkers involved. The Alzheimer’s Association provides tips on how to start your own corporate team.

Here are some of the guidelines for Team Captains:

Recruit at least 9 participants for your team.

Register online and take advantage of the online fundraising tools. (Yes, they make it EASY to fundraise ONLINE!)

Set your fundraising goals and encourage your team to surpass them.

Plan a team building kickoff meeting and invite plenty of people. (If you feed them, they will come.)

Create enthusiasm, and have your team members be a part of that process; they can even build their OWN web pages to spread the word.

Keep everyone informed of your progress toward your goals.

Build team spirit by creating a team t-shirt, banner, hat, even buttons… something to set you apart AS a team and give everyone the recognition they deserve for participating.

Encourage team members to submit pledges made offline to you so you can keep track of ALL the pledges and really have an accurate idea of where you are in relation to your team goals.

Ask for help from the Alzheimer’s Association. Local coordinators are there to help you make your walk a huge success.

Don’t forget to have fun!

The Alzheimer’s Association helps you with all sorts of online tools and guidelines, suggestions on how to fundraise, how to build team support, timelines to get your effort moving… It’s all there. It couldn’t be any easier.

Sign up early so you have plenty of time to plan and really make your walk count! You should really have 2-4 months before the walk to recruit and build support for your team and for the Memory Walk itself.

You could even win a trip.

What? For donating time and effort to a worthy cause?

That’s right, you could win a trip to Vegas just for fundraising.

Harrah’s Foundation Raise to Win is an incentive program that gives every Memory Walk participant who raises $500 an opportunity to win one of two luxury vacation packages from Harrah’s.

Here’s how it works:
When you raise $500 for Memory Walk by November 30, you become eligible to win one of two weekend getaways to Las Vegas. And, for every additional $500 you raise, you’re entered in the contest again.

How to get started:

1. Register for Memory Walk. Register online or use this form.
2. Make it your goal to raise at least $500. Ask co-workers, friends, neighbors, family members – it doesn’t take long for donations to add up!
3. Once you’ve hit $500, you will be automatically entered in the contest.

All walkers over the age of 21 are eligible to participate, so get out there and start asking for contributions. After all your hard work, you’re going to deserve a vacation!

More information is available on the Memory Walk website. Just click the WIN A TRIP link.

Why should I do this?

Because with your help we can create a world without Alzheimer’s.

Did you know?

Every 72 seconds someone develops Alzeheimer’s

Currently, 5 million Americans have Alzheimer’s

People with Alzheimer’s not only lose control of their memories, they lose control of their lives

I lost someone very dear to me on Sunday, August 26.

A year ago I was celebrating the beginning of a new life for one friend, taking part in her wedding. August 26 is a beautiful, wonderful day because of that.

This year, I lost someone. August 26 is a horrible day because of that.

Then again, attaching significance to this day or that is just our way of commemorating moments that mean something to us.

I would rather commemorate a life lived well. I would rather commemorate the love that was shared.

I hurt… deeply and profoundly. One of my best friends in this lifetime is gone. I no longer have the benefit of her compassion, her kindness, her support, her advice, her strong shoulder to cry on, her sparkling joy at my triumphs, her wisdom, her soothing southern drawl, her expansive hugs.

Had I been wired differently, I kid you not, I might have tried to steal her from her husband. That is how well we clicked. She offered me an outlet for many things… one that I needed. And she often said I was a catalyst for her to learn to express things that she also needed. We learned from one another. We grew from our association (though I’m convinced I did more growing than she).

Hours of creative collaboration, hours upon hours of laughter, hours upon hours upon hours of earnest conversation about everything under the sun. There were no awkward silences with her, only comfortable and restful pause.

She spurred me to be me. She counseled me toward being better at being me. She admonished me when I was being ridiculous. She smoothed by jagged edges, and helped me in my efforts to piece together the shattered thing that is my soul.

Many people come through our lives. Many affect us, some touch us deeply, and others become indispensable. She was in that last category for me, and I know that no one will ever fill the emptiness that is her absence. So… I will decorate that space with memories of her, and the love we shared, the laughter that shook us so hard we couldn’t breathe, the small triumphs… I’ll paint it all in shades of purple and jewel tones.

I will miss my sistah-frien’.
I grieve the big sister chosen by my heart.

And I will think of her soaring through the heavens.

Her star

I promise to try not to cry too much.

Ok… ok… it wasn’t like that.

Not so bad. For a twenty year class reunion.

They made me go… I wasn’t sure I wanted to, and couldn’t REALLY afford it… but when they say, “We’ll buy your ticket” what excuse is left? It’s not like I had something else I had to do. Then they call that day and say, “We’re picking you up, ok?” Rats. So now I can’t fake out and say I forgot, or I didn’t feel good…

It wasn’t a huge turnout, there were a lot of faces I remember that were missing, but there were many that did show up. And… they’re all nice.

It’s kind of cool to be over that high school attitude thing and just talk to people about their lives, and their kids, and stuff. (An aside… as a class… in general, it seems we all do good work when it comes to making babies. Every single picture of someone’s child that I saw was ADORABLE. What is it, superior genes? Are we the master race? Or maybe it was all that selenium in the water in Kerman in 1987…)

20 years. Has it REALLY been that long?

So… I’ll share some photos. First… T gave me some pictures she had found from high school. Blast from past. Was I REALLY that skinny? Dayamn!

And now some photos from the reunion. I used to know these people. A lot of them still look the same. It’s… uncanny. Surreal.

Just odd.

To see people after all this time.

But fun. I’ll give it that.

Not a bad looking bunch, eh?

So it wasn’t a waste of a night.

A postcard.

VALENTINE GREETINGS

Maybe you are bashful
But it’s the proper day
To say you’ll be my Valentine
And turn your face this way

From: Leo P (or D… I can’t tell)
To: Doris Yager

The little rhymes from that era are just so sweet.

I’m counting! I’m counting!

That, right there, should count.

But that’s not my count today.

No, today’s count is…

Unsolicited Advice

Marvel with me now:

“Oooooooooh…”

“But Joy,” you say, “How does unsolicited advice count? Don’t most people find it useless, or get annoyed by it?”

That is most certainly, very often, the case.

Still, unsolicited advice can be eye-opening. It can call one’s attention to something that has been ignored. Maybe we get annoyed because it forces us to see things from a perspective we find uncomfortable or just inconvenient.

Unsolicited advice offers a fresh opinion on things that may have become bogged down in the wants/needs/desires, self-serving instincts, and emotional drama of the individual to whom it’s being given.

Example:

When a 25 year old male looks at a 38 year old female after discussing a brief history of the travails of the heart of said female along with her lament that she just… can’t… stand it… any more… and says, “Grow up, Joy” …

This…THIS is unsolicited advice. It gives pause.

But it is truth, isn’t it? Unsolicited advice can be a gentle nudge, a slap in the face, a derisive smirk, or even the offer of a hand up out of one’s woes.

It’s usually very heartfelt. It’s often given with the best of intentions.

Nobody ever said you have to TAKE the advice, but value it when it’s given. Think about it. Consider why the person would say what they said in the way that they said it. Ponder what your situation means to them, and maybe that will help you adjust it to what it should mean to you. Take a moment to look at the bigger picture, from a 90 degree angle, and from a few steps back.

You won’t always agree. Often enough you’ll do precisely the opposite of what is suggested. Just don’t discount it outright. Listen, process it, and then, after you’ve allowed the information to add to your own understanding and judgement, you can make an even more informed decision. (Note I did NOT say a ‘better’ decision, because sometimes… we just have to make bad decisions. It’s part of the eternal growth process.)

Unsolicited advice.

It counts.