In memoriam
Cats: commentary, personal emotional crap|I lost someone very dear to me on Sunday, August 26.
A year ago I was celebrating the beginning of a new life for one friend, taking part in her wedding. August 26 is a beautiful, wonderful day because of that.
This year, I lost someone. August 26 is a horrible day because of that.
Then again, attaching significance to this day or that is just our way of commemorating moments that mean something to us.
I would rather commemorate a life lived well. I would rather commemorate the love that was shared.
I hurt… deeply and profoundly. One of my best friends in this lifetime is gone. I no longer have the benefit of her compassion, her kindness, her support, her advice, her strong shoulder to cry on, her sparkling joy at my triumphs, her wisdom, her soothing southern drawl, her expansive hugs.
Had I been wired differently, I kid you not, I might have tried to steal her from her husband. That is how well we clicked. She offered me an outlet for many things… one that I needed. And she often said I was a catalyst for her to learn to express things that she also needed. We learned from one another. We grew from our association (though I’m convinced I did more growing than she).
Hours of creative collaboration, hours upon hours of laughter, hours upon hours upon hours of earnest conversation about everything under the sun. There were no awkward silences with her, only comfortable and restful pause.
She spurred me to be me. She counseled me toward being better at being me. She admonished me when I was being ridiculous. She smoothed by jagged edges, and helped me in my efforts to piece together the shattered thing that is my soul.
Many people come through our lives. Many affect us, some touch us deeply, and others become indispensable. She was in that last category for me, and I know that no one will ever fill the emptiness that is her absence. So… I will decorate that space with memories of her, and the love we shared, the laughter that shook us so hard we couldn’t breathe, the small triumphs… I’ll paint it all in shades of purple and jewel tones.
I will miss my sistah-frien’.
I grieve the big sister chosen by my heart.
And I will think of her soaring through the heavens.
I promise to try not to cry too much.
