I

know

how

people

feel

when

they

decide

to

kill

themselves.

Not going to do that, myself, because I just can’t cop out that way.

No.

I’m going to demand resolution and retribution from this life.

But goddamn, do I KNOW how it feels. The despair, the absolute rock bottom lack of hope for the future, the feeling that disaster is all that waits in store, fear of medical unknowns, exhaustion from pain (emotional in this case), knowing nothing, Nothing, NOTHING is going to change to make the source of the pain disappear, and knowing that seeking temporary oblivion only works until it comes back and slaps you RIGHT across the face again.

Am I REALLY that much of a masochist?

No. But I’m also not a fucking coward.

So, no final oblivion for me.

Pity. I think that would probably put MORE than one person out of my misery.

Too fucking bad.