I’m getting TIRED of The Year of Letting Go.

No. Really.

Let’s look at this…

January… on the first I began to suspect something… well, wonderful.
January 9, I found out the truth of something I wanted more than any other thing on this earth.
By January 16th… it was no more. The only thing I have ever truly, fully regretted in my life.

That was very, VERY hard to let go. And handled incorrectly from any way I look at it.

Then a few months of ups and downs, lots of emotional confusion. Podling finished 6th grade… goodbye to my pre-adolescent… HELLO adolescent! Not sure if that goodbye is good or bad, but certainly inevitable, and she’s cool no matter what, even when she’s a bundle of emotion. But I have to let go of my baby, and learn how to work with the new young lady she’s become.

Summer came round, and I began to find my stride in a few things… I have hopes, aspirations, and plans to progress.

Old Joy is still on her way out, New Joy is emerging in fits and starts.

Ok. That’s not a bad thing to let go.

Then tragedy struck, and by the end of the summer I had lost one of the dearest people in my life. Ever. Even now, tears spring up thinking of it.

I said goodbye, with her friends and family, in the beginning of September.

Bad goodbye. BAD. VERY hard to let go.

Today has been, with certainty, another, very final letting go that has been looming since that second week in January. Maybe earlier than that, but I was just too stupid to see it. Definitely didn’t want to see it.

It’s amazing what we tell ourselves when we fall in love with someone. I had. I did. So completely that I lost myself irrevocably. I let go of myself entirely earlier this year, and that was a mistake, given that it gained me nothing, and now I still have to let go of HIM. And I still don’t want to.

Oh well. Goodbye to that. Goodbye to my heart and soul, my hopes for fulfillment. Goodbye to safety and security in the knowledge that I AM loved.

Goodbye Joy that trusted unconditionally.

Goodbye to believing that two people who love each other can make it work.

Nah. Even when they’re made for each other, and deserve each other. Doesn’t work out.

I’m not doing THAT again. Ever.

whew. I can’t even convey how much it hurts. Words don’t do justice to the sadness and betrayal. I really could rant on and on about being misled and taken for granted, used, and made a fool of.

But why not just let it go? It’s the year for it.

Ok. I will.

Seriously.

Can we have enough of the Year of Letting Go?

I don’t even want to THINK of what the next two months could possibly have in store for me before I’m free of it!

Dad has heart surgery in two weeks. I’m having that “bothersome lump” on my chest smashed on Monday…

The only letting go I want to see there are goodbye to WORRY and IRRITATING HEALTH ISSUES.

UNDERSTOOD, UNIVERSE???

I have had it! ENOUGH, already.

Stick a fork in me.

Well done.

And I am NOT the only person who’s been letting go of people and things that mean a great deal to them, all freakin’ year long.

Can next year be something a bit more upbeat, please? How about “The Year of Fabulous Surprises” or “The Year of Finding Peace”… maybe “The Year of Financial Freedom”???

Can we? Please?