It’s the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel fine.

So… How was the Year of Self-Redefinition?

I’m not sure. I’ve certainly learned new things.

My foray this year into burlesque performance has been mind-expanding, self-affirming, and generally good for me. My body isn’t perfect, or anywhere NEAR what I want it to be, but I can like and appreciate it the way it is now while I continue to strive to get closer to the ideal I want.

I’ve learned that I LOVE encouraging other women to learn to love themselves and their bodies as they are, discover their inner personalities and let them shine, and generally have a good time. It’s just as rewarding to watch THEM get up and break out of their inhibitions and uncertainty to applause and cheers, as it is to do it myself. Sometimes it’s even better. I don’t think I’ve felt any more glee than I’ve had watching beautiful women get up on a stage and strut like the gorgeous creatures they are, smiles blazing so bright as to blind the audience. Knowing that I helped and encouraged them to get there is humbling, because they have always had that within, and just a small push from me and my teaching partner, they’ve discovered it. I didn’t cause it, I didn’t create it, I just helped provide the safety to embrace it. Every single one of the ladies we’ve worked with have taught me something that has made ME better. They have made ME realize something important that I can apply in my own life.

I have learned a greater appreciation for the roles people play in my life, for the things they provide to me, and for the opportunities they give me to have a role in their lives.

I also understand even better what I accept, what I do not accept, and what I know I deserve.

I know that I would rather withdraw entirely than settle for less than what I absolutely deserve. I have learned that I can adapt rather easily to a life of spartan self-denial. I know that I would rather not. But it’s not unbearable. It’s just not preferred.

I’ll take death before dishonor.

I know that I’m not a dupe. (I instinctively knew this, but recently became more completely aware.) I know that I am a moral person. I know that I am an honorable person. But these aren’t redefinitions. It’s more about renewing who I’ve always been, and not apologizing for it.

I am what I am. I can be nothing less. I’m learning to accept who I am. Once I do that I won’t worry whether others are accepting me. I like me. I always have. Now I accept that it’s ok to like me.

I have no concrete redefinition of myself here at the end of this year. I have, however, definitely lived the process of redefinition throughout the year, and I don’t think it will ever stop.

Whatever 2009 has in store for me, I will survive. (Maybe it will be the Year of Survival.) I may not always like it. I may have moments that are wonderful. Whatever happens, I will live through it.

Life goes on. I know what I want in it. If I don’t get what I want, I’ll continue to breathe anyway, and try to find reasons to live in the small things.

Check out Deep Soul Heaven.

Obscure soul, B-sides, and old stuff of the pre-synth era of soul.

It gots da yummies for da ears.

A wee goldmine I’ve come across!

Ok, so Jag drinks what he likes to call Scottish Coffee.

Glenlivet
Bailey’s
Coffee

I tasted. Felt it needed a little something.

Enter The Black Watch. (ooooh.)

Glenlivet
Bailey’s
Godiva
Coffee

Yeah. That was all me. Smooooth.

Fine. I just like chocolate. Whatever. It was warm and I have a sore throat.

And it’s probably been done. Not even new.

USING ONLY ONE WORD? Not as easy as you might think!
Now copy or forward, change the answers to suit you and pass it on. (This is supposed to be done in email. I’m too lazy for that. You’ll make do with it here.)
It’s really hard to use only one word answers. (No it isn’t, unless you’re mentally challenged.) Be sure to send back to the person you received it from! (Not doing that either.)

1. Where is your cell phone? here

2. Your significant other? denied

3. Your hair? hennaed

4. Your mother? hobbled

5. Your father? patient

6. Your favorite thing? denied

7. Your dream last night? unremembered

8. Your favorite drink? water

9. Your dream/goal? bliss

10. What room are you in? yeenwoom (as the toddler podling used to say)

11. Your hobby? performance

12. Your fear? rejection

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? surviving

14. Where were you last night? bed

15. Something that you aren’t? stupid

16. Muffins? ick

17. Wish list item? money

18. Where did you grow up? hell

19. Last thing you did? eat

20. What are you wearing? jammies

21. Your TV? off

22. Your pets? none

23. Friends? some

24. Your life? unfulfilled

25. Your mood? grumpy

26. Missing someone? forever

27. Your car? functional

28. Something you’re not wearing? underwear

29. Your favorite store? unimportant

32. Your favorite color? red

33. When is the last time you laughed? unremembered

34. Last time you cried? yesterday

36. One place that I go to over and over? internal

37. One person who emails me regularly? Rutabaga

38. My favorite place to eat? elsewhere

39. One place I would like to go right now? anywhere

40. One person I think will respond? unknown

41. One TV show I watch all the time? none

Here’s what you are supposed to do…and please don’t spoil the fun…
Hit ‘forward,’ delete my answers, type in your answers and send it to a bunch of people, including me.
(I didn’t do that. I put it in my blog. You can put it in yours if you want. I really don’t care.)

It will be amazing to see what you’ve learned about your friend.
(Yeah. Amazing.)

Because I don’t want to be a big bummer lamenting the loss of my neighbors and friends to the frozen North… They pulled away with the U-Haul today…

No, I won’t go on about that. You get a dumbass meme, instead.

guilty: you do
innocent: you don’t

Singing in the shower?: Guilty. I sing everywhere.

Left the stove on?: Guilty. But so far I always discover it before burning the house down.

Ate Stale food?: Guilty. I’m poor, and if it’s still edible, I have to eat it or starve.

Spit in someone’s Drink?: Innocent. I would never do this. Do unto others.

Stole Something from a friend?: Innocent. I’m not a thief. I AM guilty of borrowing things for a REALLY long time, but they always go home.

Played with Barbies?: Guilty. And I’ve left a long trail of headless and limbless Barbies in my past. I had pent up agression issues as a child.

Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?: Innocent. I never HAD posters of my favorite stars. Ok, I DID have a large sketch of James Dean. I never kissed it. Just wished I could meet someone as hot as that.

Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: Innocent. If I don’t like it, I’m not going to pretend I do.

Made someone cry? Guilty. I’m a mom. It’s my job.

Opened your Christmas presents early?: Innocent. Unless you count the Christmas Eves with ONE family and Christmas Days with the OTHER family.

Found money, and didn’t turn it in?: Guilty. Who would you turn it in to… some kid at a counter who you KNOW isn’t going to hold it for someone to come back? I suppose if it was a huge amount, OR I actually saw who dropped it, I’d give it back.

Gave money to a homeless person?: Guilty. I don’t mind sharing if I have change in my pocket.

Thought “Star Wars” was cool?: Guilty. Duh.

Had a super-hero costume?: Innocent. Just never got around to it.

Lied to protect a friend?: I’m not sure. I suppose I would if it were necessary…

Broken a bone?: Guilty.

Seen “The Goonies” more than 10 times?: Innocent. I’m not even sure if I’ve seen it once.

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: Guilty. They can be addictive.

Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow?: Innocent. Just henna for me.

Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: Innocent. We’re not a huggy kind of family.

…Have you Ever…

Ran through the sprinklers?: ~Guilty. I still do it.

Ran through the sprinklers naked?: ~Not sure. I imagine I might have as a toddler…

Went outside naked?: ~Guilty. In private, most certainly.

Flashed somebody?: ~Guilty.

Mooned somebody?: ~Innocent. Not in the classic sense. Though I HAVE bent over purposefully in front of an audience… but all they saw were the ruffly panties.

Been on stage?: ~Guilty. Repeatedly.

been on stage naked or close to it?: ~Guilty. I guess. Pasties and a thong count, right?

Been in a parade?: ~Guilty. High school marching band. Mardi Gras parade last year…

Been in a school play?: ~Guilty. I was Kim in Bye Bye Birdie. How lovely to be a woman.

Drank beer?: ~Guilty.

Went to work/school with a hangover?: ~Innocent. I have yet to actually experience a hangover. I intend to keep it that way.

Gotten detention?: ~I don’t remember. Possibly. I wasn’t always an angel.

Gotten expelled?: ~Innocent.

Been on a plane?: ~Guilty. I still don’t like it.

Been on a cruise?: ~Innocent. Never worked out.

Traveled out of the country?: ~Guilty. Denmark/Sweden, Canada, Mexico

Liked somebody you could never have?: ~Guilty. I guess. I suppose.

Liked a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend?: ~Innocent.

Cheated on a test?: ~Innocent.

Broken into a house?: ~Innocent.

Stolen from your own family?: ~Innocent.

Flipped somebody off?: ~Guilty. Yesterday.

Ate spoiled food by accident?: ~Guilty. And who does that on PURPOSE?!

Ate spoiled food on purpose?: ~Innocent. Seriously??

Ate food you dropped on the floor?: ~Guilty. 3 second rule.

Laughed at a funeral?: ~Guilty. I find humor in the most inappropriate situations.

Watched somebody’s death?: ~Innocent.

Killed somebody?: Innocent. So far.

Gotten a tattoo?: ~Innocent.

Gotten piercings?: ~Guilty. Just ears. As a kid. I let them close. I’m unpierced now.

Fired a gun?: ~Guilty. And it was fun.

Gotten into a fist fight?: ~Innocent. I’m not good at confrontation.

Gotten into a shouting match?: ~Innocent. I’m not a loud person. I’d lose. Why shout?

Swallowed sea/pool water?: ~Guilty. It just happens, even if you try REALLY hard not to.

Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?: ~Innocent. Ew.

Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: ~Guilty. Cheap high, and there aren’t many side-effects unless you fall and hurt yourself.

Laughed so hard it hurt?: ~Guilty. But it’s been too long.

Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: ~Innocent.

Seen a live birth?: ~Guilty. If you count my podling, and I had an awkward perspective… but yeah.

Delivered a baby/animal?: ~Guilty. If you count giving birth.

Had an imaginary friend?: ~Innocent. I never believed in these things.

Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: ~Innocent.

Tripped on stairs?: ~Innocent. I tend to be extra cautious on stairs.

Tripped on your own feet?: ~Guilty. Because I’m not always graceful.

Cried yourself to sleep?: ~Guilty. Far too often over the last 3 years. Still happens.

Cried in public?: ~Guilty. Though I consider it a sign of great weakeness on my part.

Thrown up in public?: ~Guilty. Flu. Moving car. Had to pull over. BAD.

Lied to your parents?: ~Guilty. Never about anything important, but there are some things that they might find uncomfortable.

Skipped school?: ~Guilty.

Hit an animal with your vehicle?: ~Guilty. Couldn’t help it. Swerving might have been disastrous… if it’s me or the ground squirrel… the ground squirrel goes down.

Been cheated on: ~Guilty. Pain.

Been one who helped another cheat?:~Guilty. Same person. Being the other woman to the other woman… Whatever.

Cried so hard you threw up?: ~Guilty. Bad times. Bad, bad times.

Given a wet willy to someone?: ~Guilty. I have siblings.

Gotten a wet willy?: ~Guilty. I have siblings.

have sex? ~Guilty. Duh.

with a virgin?: ~Innocent. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’m innocent on that charge.

wore a thong?: ~Guilty. Costuming.