Chick friends who read my blog:

It seems one of my favorite cosmetic manufacturers is going out of business, or at least going out of the business of selling their products direct to consumers online.

This makes me sad. I LOVE these products, especially the lipsticks. PERFECT retro reds and pinks. Have you ever looked for that certain, exact, wonderful shade of retro-red? I happen to like having lipstick that makes me think of the glamour of Hollywood of yore.

And they have this retro-30s mascara that smells like gingerbread! Granted, it doesn’t create little latex tubes around each individual lash… but it’s no worse than the mascara I grew up with. And it still looks like… well… mascara.

The good news is… everything is on sale right now, until September 7.

MAJOR SALE. As in… crazy cheap. Cheap enough to be LESS than drugstore cosmetic prices for EXTREMELY good quality products in gorgeous vintage style packaging. Little metal tubes and compacts like grandma used to have. It just looks pretty sitting on the counter.

The bad news is… after September 7, the only way to get these products will be on other web sites at the original (high) prices. If you’ve THOUGHT about checking out the retro trend in quality makeup, this is a good opportunity.

Why am I shilling for a company with which I have no connection? Because I REALLY really like Besame Cosmetics.

If I had a job and money right now, I’d definitely be stocking up. As it is, I’ll just treasure what I’ve already got, and use it carefully and frugally to make it last.

The only birthday card I’ve received. Yeah. Creepy. I like it.

1.Today, NASA is 50 years old. Just check Google for that one.

2.My shower has decided today was the day to become a leaky faucet. I finished my shower, tried to turn off the water, the hot water knob screwed all the way in, but water was still coming out. I’ve managed to fiddle with it enough to get it to be only a trickle, but it still needs to be fixed. Trying to figure out how to contact the landlord or management people.

3. Earthquake in SoCal. For the funniest coverage of a California earthquake EVER… click here. (My favorite is the somewhat “inappropriate” tweet.) On another note… watching online msnbc coverage of the quake… I actually saw a man of Indian descent being interviewed by a reporter, but he could only speak Spanish, so a little girl had to translate. So, little girl translates from an Indian man with Indian accent, but he’s speaking Spanish, because he had no English. ONLY in So Cal, people.

4. Suicide Lounge tonight at Veni Vidi Vici. If you don’t show up, I’ll know you don’t love me. 9 pm.

And, stolen from lecram’s blog

He said it could apply to me this year. I guess it does. The year of self-redefinition.

I don’t need you to worry for me cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(I never said)
I still belong, don’t get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time

They will tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place
Then they’ll tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it’s okay, you wake up with yourself

I don’t need you to worry for me cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

Well, probably not.

But I have a problem.

I haven’t been blogging much of late.

Well, not blogging with substance, anyway. I’ve been focused on life things, personal things.

This has become a problem. Why?

I’ve been contacted by Will Albritton of The Fresno Beehive. I am to be interviewed for a new series about local Fresno bloggers on the Beehive.

Me.

I know. I don’t quite understand it, either. But it’ll be fun! (You’ll see.) - I stole those last two lines from Fingers B. You know who you are.

So I got this call, from Mr. Will, and he asked if I’d answer some questions via email, and I said “sure”, and he said “great” and then I realized.

I’ve been a very bad blogger lately, and not at all interesting in my posting. Oh well. Too late now!

After all, anything I post to try to look cosmopolitan, clever, hip, intelligent, and in-the-know is just going to come off as stilted and trying too hard.

It is what it is, and I am what I am. (But that’s not all that I am. And I’m certainly not Popeye by any stretch of the imagination.)

So if you’re a new visitor to the land of Joy Unconfined, welcome. I’m not apologizing for being too pedestrian, too self-absorbed, too boring, to shallow or silly, or anything else.

And for those of you who are regular readers: No, I am NOT going to share my answers to the interview questions here. It’s not my gig, it’s Will’s. You’ll just have to keep checking the Beehive throughout next week and see what comes of the whole thing. Besides, there’s always something fun to read over there.

(I know; surprising for a mainstream publication funded community blog. But they really are cool cats and kittens over yonder. After all, this IS Fresno.)

Yes. You will see a blog almost identical to this appear on Fresnocentric.

I AM a vain little thing. The world must know.

Does this stuff mean anything? Really?

And why do the different “aspects” seem to contradict others?

After all, most of this is stuff in which anyone could see themselves.

But… for fun…

oooooh.

Those of you who know me… whaddaya think, kids?

Btw… got it from Astrocenter.com. In case you want to play, too.

though I doubt it’s the right way to go about making a choice. Then again, honestly I don’t think the choice matters anyway.

Forwarded to me in email:

Subject: Irish thoughts on 08 Election

THOUGHTS FROM ACROSS THE POND

An email from Ireland to their brethren in the States…
a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

‘We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now… On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate Mc terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord’s name are you lads thinking over there??

Boy attacked by shark in his bedroom.

um.

yeah.

I must move into smaller digs. Very soon. I’m going broke. No… I AM broke and need to pay less rent. SO… in a smaller space, I’ll need less furniture that takes up room.

Especially since I don’t like a lot of furniture to begin with. And since it’s just me… I don’t need a lot of chairs most of the time. It would be so nice to have something I could just pull out when people actually came to visit.

For all those who read and responded to that last post… thanks, I guess. It honestly wasn’t a plea for commiseration. It was just a pouring-out of what has been bouncing around in my head to try and sort it. And believe me, it was a very shallow pouring-out. There’s still a lot in there and it is definitely not sorted.

Of course, what’s in there is all stuff on which I should NOT be focusing. The important things keep getting crowded out by the frustrations and emotions and other nonsense that I seem to be having more and more trouble controlling. It is to sigh.

This is not to say I don’t have good days. Last week had several good days.

I’m not sure if it was Monday or Tuesday. Monday, I think. I was invited out for some fun (and food and drink) at the Public House. The first of my personal Cosima sightings.

Wednesday was fun, being around nice people, singing, laughing. Cosima took this photo at the combined Suicide Lounge Rehearsal/Ritual Seasonal Burning of Meat.

Thursday was also fun, hitting the Taste and Toast of the Tower. (Or whatever it’s called.) Wandering down the block, sweating, sampling wine, eating cheese and various other foodstuffs, sniffing tiny cigar samples that I will never smoke (anyone want a cappuccino mini-cigar? It smells REALLY good…), impromptu shopping and purchasing of a silk dress to wear on the spot, and ending up with a PERFECTLY CRAFTED mojito and camaraderie at Veni Vidi Vici. And here’s a couple Cosima sightings of that evening.

Friday found me having dinner with the podling, her dad, and his parents. I enjoyed the chance to visit, and of course, I always enjoyed his cooking, so that was lovely. After dinner I left to meet a lovely woman to see the Elemental Dance thingy at Severance. This, too, was very enjoyable, and some of those dancers gave performances that were far beyond their years. I’m so glad I went. After, we adjourned to Veni’s again, though this time they were out of mint, so no perfect drink for a sweltering, sultry night for Joy. The alternative lemon drop was nice, but I’m no fan of overtly sweet drinks. The conversation, however, was wonderful. She’s a lovely woman and a lovely friend, and I’m so glad I’ve made her acquaintance.

Saturday. Partying wit da girls. zx3gurl is getting married soon, and so her last weeks of freedom had to be commemorated with the traditional bachelorette shindig. We wore corsages that each had a tiny penis with a wee pearl peeking out of the tip. It was strangely mesmerizing to fiddle with the little plastic appendages to alternately make them show, or not show, the pearly suprise. (Ingenious craftiness by one of my favorite bartender girls, who, incidentally, was wearing THE hottest red Marilyn-style floaty hem dress I have EVER seen. She was freaking GORGEOUS!) I imbibed from a penis-shaped straw. I artfully took my sparkly clothes off for the bride-to-be AND taught her how to remove her gloves in an interesting fashion.

(Photos courtesy of Tracy Olsen Photography)

(And PLEASE don’t look at the pictures too closely. I had not been home all day, spending the majority of it trying to get my car repaired. I had 5 minutes to grab my stuff, spritz some perfume on my sweaty self and high-tail it over to the party. Less than glamorous hair and makeup. And I’m chubby. I do not like it.)
I wore a button that designated me the “TEASE” of the group. (I am not one, by the way. - unless you count the entertainment aspect of my newest dance interest, but that doesn’t count on a personal level - If I indicate interest, I mean it. If you’re unsure if I’ve indicated interest, then I clearly have not.) It was NOT an evening of refinement. It was, however, an evening of fun and frolic. Wonderful people, fabulous dinner at Rousseau, drinks and funk at Landmark (I was sorry to leave the VERY ENJOYABLE funkaliciousness, but the party was moving on), a pedi-cab ride to Starline brought us to some trancey driving beat music and dancing… and finding myself dancing with a 22 year old naval weapons tech. (WTF?! Dude, I could be your mama. Don’t stand… don’t stand… don’t stand - or dance- so close to me.) Bride-to-be made me proud, imbibing liberally, but remaining upright and vibrant throughout the night. She was game to wear the veil decorated with LED flashing penises… penii? hm. Yes, and the enormous LED flashing diamond ring. These cheez factors combined with her gorgeous red sequined top made her shiny and HOT… in the good way. Not many girls can be covered in genitalia, in public, and still carry themselves with dignity and grace. Not only did she accomplish that, but she did it with sass. We had fun, and finally staggered back to her domicile somewhere around 1:30 am. The party started at 7 pm. Not bad. Not bad at all. But I HAVE filled my quota of penis-related jokes and innuendo for the month.

Sunday. Rest. Relaxation. Laundry. A little homework. Not nearly enough house cleaning. Then an evening outing with lecram for spaghetti and meatballs, an oddly refreshing but too sweet cranberry/peach shcnapps/vodka thingy, and a chance meeting with one of the previous night’s partygoers still suffering through the aftereffects. We had a nice visit. I mostly ate and listened. It was good.

So there was my week. I honestly don’t consider myself a social butterfly. But it seems I do keep busy in fits and starts. I have weeks where I see no one and do nothing. By choice. And weeks where I’m never home and the laundry piles up and the dishes litter the sink and counter.

Which brings me to this. A while back I picked up a little book called

It’s a light-hearted and tongue-in-cheek explanation of what makes a girl a bombshell. (At least I hope it’s light-hearted and tongue-in-cheek. I HOPE no one takes such nonsense so seriously that they waste time soberly researching such a thing…) And it took me all of 30 minutes to an hour to read from cover to cover. It’s not deep literature.

I’m starting to think I may be a bombshell. Granted, I’m no Marilyn Monroe (who I have never aspired to emulate). I’m not even like one of my heroines… Ann-Margret. No… in looks, I don’t qualify. I’m a little too old and a little too round in places that roundness isn’t a good idea. But I might qualify in other areas. Such as…

In the list of things a bombshell can get away with that ordinary women can’t, I qualify on about half.

“Having no domestic prowess - She doesn’t mastermind the home; she lounges in it. She beautifies in it. She orders in.”

Hallelujah. I am justified.

“Never paying - For drinks. Dinner. Or anything.”

This I don’t do on purpose. I even try to pay. People stop me. Who am I to rob them of the opportunity to be generous and kind?

“Showing up late, but not as late as divas - She tries to be on time, she really does. But heels break, puppies slow her down and she can’t resist picking up the phone if it rings when she’s running out the door. Not stopping to talk to an elderly neighbor is unthinkable.”

I don’t have elderly neighbors, but if I did, I certainly would NOT be rude to them. It has to do with being ridiculously respectful of others (well, of those who deserve respect, that is).

“Reckless attire - A Bombshell is innocently inappropriate. She will go braless or wear stilettos and tight sweaters to office meetings. Seamed stockings and fishnets are also acceptable as are “rocks” for day, always strategically positioned.”

I’m not quite THAT bad. I never go braless. That would be tragedy, but I do wear 4 inch heels daily, tight sweaters are preferred to baggy ones, and I adore seamed stockings and fishnets. Granted, I don’t wear them ALL the time, but I can tell you that when I get a job, it will HAVE to be with people who aren’t too ridiculously conservative. With today’s fashions, on me, most v-necklines are cleavage city, and I refuse to wear high necks. They make me look fatter and older than I already am. Or… I will work at Starbucks, or somewhere similar.

“Petty crimes - Not returning engagement rings (when she calls it off) or jewelry and couture gowns borrowed for public appearances.”

I’m more along the lines of not returning borrowed DVDs or CDs or books… I would never call off an engagement, because I would never accept one unless I meant it. As for borrowed couture gowns and jewelry… I wish! I might not want to relinquish one once I had it in my soft little paws.

This book also contains quotes from famous bombshells. A couple of my favorites:

“I find that I regret nothing. There are three words I have never said, and never will. The are, “I am sorry.” - Dolores Del Rio

I generally try to avoid regret, myself. I HAVE said I’m sorry, but I do try to avoid it if I can. And it’s usually not because I truly have regret, but because I wish to assure someone else that I feel badly for having upset or disappointed them, which is NOT the same thing as real regret.

“I am not difficult. I am definite.” - Hedy Lamarr

Yeah.

Apparently I sit like a bombshell, too.

“Bombshells don’t sit exactly. They perch, curl, curve, and occasionally fling their legs up over the arm of the chair or back of the sofa. This also goes for seats on airplanes, cars and trains.”

Mostly, I lounge. But I have been known to curl and/or fling my legs over the arm of a chair. It’s a natural position for me… draped. And I find it’s genetic. The podling does this as well.

I’ll leave out most references to the chapter on bombshell underpinnings, except to say that yes, stockings win out over pantyhose/tights every time. I made the decision to eschew the little egg with the wrinkled up nylon years ago for truly practical reasons. Pantyhose are uncomfortable, sweaty in all the worst places, and make strange silhouettes. I’d rather go bare-legged, but if leg covering is required, I will generally resort to garters and stockings. For far too long, I was relegated to thick tights in cold weather, but I have now found a delightful NON pantyhose/tights alternative. THICK, HEAVY stockings. Hooray Sock-Dreams!

There’s a chapter about handbags, and I am certainly particular about mine, though I don’t quite go for the sorts of things they mention in the book. But it IS all about style.

The same with footwear. I prefer heels. I prefer heeled boots. I prefer anything that has a sense of style to it. Flat footwear has to be spectacular in some way for me to want to put it on my feet. Elsewhere in the book it reads “You will never find her commuting in running shoes with socks over nylons. She hast too much self-esteem. To a Bombshell, a girl wearing unglamorous shoes in public is saying ‘I hate myself, this part of my life doesn’t count. I resent the shoes I am supposed to wear at work and besides, they’re not comfortable and I am not interested in men.’ ”

Well.. I’m NOT interested in men these days, but it doesn’t mean I have to look the part.

Hair: “When it comes to styling, there are two main looks. Done and undone.” Well, I guess I’m mostly undone. I prefer my hair flying around and in my face, unless I’m trying to concentrate. Then it gets pulled back. For a while.

“The Bombshell finds a sudden thunderstorm thrilling. She appreciates the spontaneity of an impromptu drenching and doesn’t mind if her white polka-dot dress turns transparent and clings to every curve.” True enough. Also, the part they mention about removing the shoes and splashing around sounds like something I’d do. Though sometimes I do it with shoes on… but not if they’re GOOD shoes.

There there’s the day-to-day bombshell lifestyle.

“The bombshell abhors routine. She is ready for anything at a moment’s notice - a movie, a trip to Istanbul, a cocktail. She knows that a phone call can change her evening. Hell, it can change her life.

There is no such thing as a typical Bombshell day. She might wake up (to the 1812 Overture; see Music, page 120), slip into her peginoir and matching mules, pull the manual typewriter from under the bed and work on her memoir for an hour, or until the phone rings.

If she feels like it, she may clean the bathroom tiles with an old toothbrush before taking a shower…”

THAT certainly sounds like me. Although pulling the manual typewriter out is, these days, replaced by sitting down at the computer and blogging.

And then the chapter about ‘The Bombshelter’. (Don’t you love that chapter title? Clever, no?) It’s all about decor and the home. I don’t exactly quite qualify here, except that I never use rooms entirely how they were intended to be used, and everything is always in flux. My dining room has no dining table. My living room has full-length mirrors. My spare bedroom is my costume room. That sort of thing.

The Bombshell diet fits me, however. I don’t diet, but I diet. I eat whatever I like, then become concerned that my calorie intake (and midsection) has gotten out of hand and make an effort to cut back. It’s less of the yo-yo/rollercoaster of dieting, and more of a hormonal flux sort of thing. But I like to eat, and when offered a good meal, I eat it. This is countered by the fact that I RARELY cook, and certainly not for myself. There’s a sort of balance there, somewhere. Isn’t there?

“The Bombshell is a liberated woman. She enjoys being a sex object and feels virtually no pressure to have culinary prowess.”

I don’t know about the sex object thing… I guess, as long as no one approaches who is not invited. But the culinary prowess thing is spot-on.

One place where I do NOT qualify as a bombshell…

“The Bombshell doesn’t like things men drink. Scotch, bourbon, especially beer unless it’s indigenous. She has an innate disdain for anything new and pretentious like cosmopolitans, and things have to be pretty bad for a Bombshell to order a Bloody Mary - too blowsy, lushy and depressed. Bombshells love to have a bottle of mineral water for the table, with gas. Bombshells also drink Coke”

Hm. I love scotch, usually the more expensive the better. Haven’t tried bourbon. I like beer, a LOT, but it has to be really good beer. I’m not interested in cosmopolitans, but I’d order a Bloody Mary. I like red, I like tomato, and I like bite. Mineral water is good, but I’d rather it not be sparkling. And I do not drink Coke. Nor do I drink Pepsi.

Ok. So mostly I qualify as a bombshell in that I don’t do housework; I don’t like to cook but I can if necessary; my refrigerator contains leftovers for meals eaten out (for breakfast the next day) and a jar of pepperoncini, a tub of olive tapenade, some juices, some Irish cheddar and some romaine hearts; I like pretty shoes; I don’t wear pantyhose; I’m particularly fond of good clothes; I actually enjoy constrictive underpinnings of the corset variety (if not laced TOO tight); I lounge in my seat, rather than sitting properly, no matter the setting; for all my world-weariness, I still have an odd naivety, innocence, and habit of being genuine that even I can’t understand or define, but it’s certainly there.

Now… if I could JUST figure out how to be pretty and curvy and not have to worry about how to pay the bills like everyone’s favorite bombshells…

And I need a haircut.

So I’m taking these burlesque classes. Last week’s assignment was to find a song. I have the song.

Now… if you’ve ever seen a burlesque performance, the best and most fun of them all have a ‘theme’ that dictates the costuming and the character portrayed by the dancer.

Here’s an example or two.

I’m having trouble coming up with something to portray. I love my song, it’s the right length, it’s got enough bounce, but with enough dynamic slow bits to make for interesting pauses and such…

I just need a character.

SO… this is the part where I need help, and the part where there might be something in it for you.

Put your suggestions for a character to dance, and any costuming ideas, or ‘mini-story’ ideas for the song in the comments for this post. If your suggestion is what I choose to use… then when I eventually dance this locally, I’ll make sure you get free admission to the show. (Even if I have to pay for it myself.)

This accomplishes a few things. 1. I get a bunch of ideas for the theme for this bit. (And maybe ideas for future themes.) 2. If I choose one (which I probably will because I’m too lazy to come up with my own) I have committed myself to making sure there is a show locally. 3. I will also have committed myself to performing in said show rather than just standing on the sidelines while facilitating it. 4. You get a free show, of more than just me, since if there IS a show, there will be at least one other person in it. Perhaps more.

As I see it… win-win (and win, and win).

So here’s the song, Really Wanted You by Emmit Rhodes. Give it a listen, free your mind, and help me come up with a fun and cute, or alternately saucy and smoldering, character to don while performing the tease.

These are the lyrics, in case that matters to you:

Billy knocked two teeth out

Got five stitches in the chin

I was dying inside babe

I don’t mind the pain

When I needed someone

Tell me who came along

I was hoping you’d come

Cause I really wanted you

Yes I really wanted you

I was sleepless till dawn

With a heart breaking down

I’ve been lonely too long

Cause I really wanted you

Yes I really wanted you

Billy knocked two teeth out

Got five stitches in the chin

I was dying inside babe

I don’t mind the pain

Well the moon starts to yawn

With every morning sun

Now the darkness is gone

Cause I really wanted you

Yes I really wanted you for so long