Archive for the ‘personal emotional crap’ category

Depression is a bitch.

February 1st, 2009

She is fond of ice cream, chocolate, cheese and many greasy foods. She’s very pushy. And I am fat because of her. Which feeds her. So there are more grilled cheese sammiches. And trips to the freezer for a few spoonfuls of french vanilla. And I’m out of chocolate.

No. Not this kind. Thanks. Already got this kind. So, not only am I unemployed and apparently unemployable, even by temp agencies… Now, apparently, my old, ugly, decidedly uninteresting car is worthy of breaking into. 6 a.m. My doorbell is buzzing. It’s my nice neighbor come to tell me she found the back passenger seat [...]

For all those who read and responded to that last post… thanks, I guess. It honestly wasn’t a plea for commiseration. It was just a pouring-out of what has been bouncing around in my head to try and sort it. And believe me, it was a very shallow pouring-out. There’s still a lot in there [...]

Supposedly this is the Year of Self-Redefinition. So says the sage who predicts the theme of the year at precisely 12:01 am New Year’s Day. (I don’t know about this guy… I’m still a little pissed about the prediction for 2007. It turned out to be ALL too true. The Year of Letting Go was [...]


March 18th, 2008

It has this weird tendency to just… go on. The train keeps speeding down the track whether I’m paying attention to what’s happening outside the window or not. A while back, I can’t quite pinpoint the exact moment, I decided I would start being more present during the ride. You know, rather than just make [...]

I used to know. Turns out that what I “knew” was based on false data. So I wonder.

Inconvenience is a problem. It’s my own damned fault. I probably should NOT have been on the skateboard. But I was bonding with the podling. In the car (which she had to start and put in gear for me), on the way to the hospital, I remarked to her that the first thing I would [...]

They are not long, the days of wine and roses: Out of a misty dream Our path emerges for a while, then closes Within a dream. BRING IT! Is there anything else that’s going to bring me to my knees? If I’m going to find myself prostrate, sobbing, vomiting, and unable to breathe… let’s just [...]

I just want to say…

October 30th, 2007

I’m getting TIRED of The Year of Letting Go. No. Really. Let’s look at this… January… on the first I began to suspect something… well, wonderful.January 9, I found out the truth of something I wanted more than any other thing on this earth.By January 16th… it was no more. The only thing I have [...]

Going to the BAD place.

October 29th, 2007

I know how people feel when they decide to kill themselves. Not going to do that, myself, because I just can’t cop out that way. No. I’m going to demand resolution and retribution from this life. But goddamn, do I KNOW how it feels. The despair, the absolute rock bottom lack of hope for the [...]